NCEA Student Horoscopes Vol2
Jan 20 – Feb 18
You will have good intentions to study. You will buy a stack of study books. You will sit down at your desk. You will reach for a dictionary. You will look up the word ‘dictionary’ in the dictionary. Interesting.
Feb 19 – Mar 20
Accept that your procrastination habits are a personal journey of self-discovery. This week you discovered that inhaling smoke from SkyCity Convention Centre does not improve study efficiency. Still, it was worth a try.
Mar 21 – Apr 19
Remember what you studied last week? Of course you don't. Your memory is like a sieve. Who has sieves these days, anyway? I forget.
Apr 20 – May 20
Good energy helps you arrive at your desk to study. Bad energy helps you set fire to the desk and blame it on the cat.
May 21 – Jun 20
Your parents made you walk somewhere and now you’re angry. You will let off steam by putting on the kettle.
Jun 21 – July 22
You will finally realise that studying for English is impossible. You give up and read a copy of Woman’s Day from 2008. It will contain unfamiliar text.
July 23 – Aug 22
You realise you can do anything you set your mind to. You set your mind to watching Netflix. Nailed it.
Aug 23 – Sep 22
You didn’t do enough study during the year. The only way you can catch up is to never shower again. After day 3, your parents will remind you of basic hygiene. You will remind them of the need to save water in the face of climate change. Check mate.
Sep 23 – Oct 22
You think to yourself, “Are externals just ternals you used to date?” They are not. You haven’t dated in a long time. But you’re desperate for an ex, so just go with it.
Oct 23 – Nov 21
If you think the city’s traffic’s is bad, you should see your ability to stick to a study plan. This is why you never created a study plan. Genius.
Nov 22 – Dec 21
You think that music will help your study focus. You end up lip syncing all 2 minutes 37 seconds of Old Town Road. The experience will teach you things: First, you’ll know that you can straight up rap. Second, you’ll know that even one late night studying has made you delusional.
Dec 22 – Jan 19
Your crush makes eye contact and your heart skips a beat. They suggest studying together and you immediately fall in love. They pull out their books and tell you you’re just a ‘study friend’. You never liked them anyway.